Who is Fawn Elaine?
Me. That's who!
Naw, I'm really not much of nothing, just your average 30 something year old going thru an existential mid life crisis amongst other things the universe saw fit to throw at me all at once.
I truley mean all at once. No exaggeration.
The last five years have been lesson after lesson. Things I thought I couldn't survive I have, others... Well, I didn't. I'll tell ya more after a bit about that one. Today it's just kinda a summary of me.
Growing up like a baby deer.
I was born in Hazard Kentucky. A little town in the mountains were you went swimming in a quarry, most folks were miners, and once a year the Dukes of Hazard paraded thru town in Boss Hogs big ol white car.
I was raised by my momma. My daddy passed on when I was 14mos old. I have two older half brothers. One little sister and another little half brother. I spent my childhood running the creeks for crawdads, sliding down the hills covered in snow on a trashcan lid, catching fireflies and foraging for blackberries and raspberries.
We moved from Kentucky to Michigan than to Florida round about my 7th year. I don't remember much of my childhood. It's all blocked out cept for bits and pieces here and there.
I remember Madove had a plastic or rubber cow toy that you could milk. I remember she had this oil lamp that would drop the oil down strings. I remember a play house in her and Bills backyard, next to her garden. I remember the Cotton mouth snake that had me cornered down the driveway and Lester and his friend killed it and she was full of baby snakes. I remember walking down to Verdie Mae's with my dog pony. I remember knocking my sister's teeth into a pipe and hearing her bawl. Random little memories that I hold on to for dear life.
Florida is a bit like hell to me.
I hate the heat. Might not always have despised it this much but, I don't like it much at all.
When we got to Florida I was 7ish. Went to 1st grade at Englewood Elementary then 2nd grade at Vineland on thru LAAinger and Lemonbay High School. My school years were something else. Again, I don't remember much and alot of bad things happened. Alot of good too but, I blocked out so much it seems to overpower the good stuff by alot.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger... Or so they say, if so, I should be a super human by now. Just saying. Sexual assault by babysitter, molestation, prolonged sexual abuse by the stepfather, rape, Mental abuse, emotional abuse, drug use, alcohol, trauma, therapy, beat, battered, broken, the lost years. Skipping school, skipping life... losing myself. Finding fragments of me. Faking happy, forgive and forget often, foolish pride and forsaken
There's a ton of individual posts in there that need to be written. I'm not sure yet how to organize it so it makes sense. I may skip around, I may try a straight run, we shall see.
Kids, College, Kareoke,
Karma drives a mack... Naw karma leads a charge of horses. Better than a mack truck by far.
As much as my school age years were rough, there was more bad to come that I couldn't prepare myself for. Fast forward to the last 5 years of hell. To the years my sanity and mettle get tested...to the years my heart gets drug thru the mud.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my thoughts. I gladly welcome constructive criticism, hellos, and your thoughts and comments. Feel free to speak your mind and reach out.